Saturday: It
was our granddaughter’s dedication. It was a day of rejoicing! Tim, a young “fourteener” was with his
parents to join us on this special occasion. They are more of a family to us. We go on
holidays together. As much as possible, we try to be there for each other’s
special celebration. But most of all, we always pray for one another.
We decided to have coffee afterwards. It was
Tim’s idea that I try Java Chips. As always, he was Tim the quiet and civil boy
that smiles amid the adult discourse of church’s life and protocols and
probably asking “How long will this be?” Yet, he stayed through it all.
Monday: We
were listening to a lecture when my husband’s phone rang. I saw his face was
grim. He sent me this message after– “Tim is dead!” I could not concentrate on
listening. I wish I could fly and be with his mom and embrace her.
The
following day, together with our closest friends, we drove to Cavite to share
with the grief of the family. Yes, we are committed followers of Jesus! Yes, we
believe in healing! Yes, we believe heaven but we also believe in grief!
I have lost
a mother and a brother, but never lost a child. Though I wanted to, I will
never comprehend the deep pain Tim’s mother was going through in trying to comprehend
God’s plan and purpose in all of these. Those questions are also going through
my mind. The only thing I can do was to listen and to grieve with her.
I grew up
with the notion that grief must not be exhibited by Christians, especially of
those who claim to love the Lord deeply. It is a sign of weakness, vulnerability, lack
of faith and trust to the ever-in-control God. So when death comes along our
way, we need not grieve because our loved one is in the ever-loving embrace of
the Father. In death we must celebrate, so they say.
But how can
one celebrate on such a time like this? Isn’t that such a hypocritical
reaction? No one can rejoice when death comes to take someone we dearly love! If
we can only extend time or negotiate for his or her life, we will do so.
But when I
listened intently to the message shared by Ptr. Nes, I realized that Jesus also
grieved for the lost of his friend. John 11:35 was so clear, “Jesus wept.” Jesus could have said something extremely
profound but he simply wept. Here is Jesus of Nazareth, the world’s most
complete, most perfect man, attending the funeral of a friend and openly weeping
without embarrassment, without apology. The Son of God, who is called the
Resurrection and the Life, grieved and wept openly for the death of a friend.
Such great
words of relief! I then realized that If I want to cry, I will not hold it back.
If it was okay for Jesus to cry, then it’s ok for us to cry. God feels our
pain, He want us to let it out and to let Him in on our feelings because God
knows what it is like to hurt.
Isn’t it so
comforting to know that grieving and weeping is hardwired in us as a
physiological and psychological means to adapt to our circumstances? In fact, researchers said that crying is good
for our health.
So when Tim
was laid in his final resting place, tears were streaming down my face. I could
not hold it back. But as I was reminded, Jesus wept, so…it is okay for me to
grieve and to weep.
As I was
writing this, I was reminded of a hymn we used to sing when we were young. Let
me share this with you…
He washed my eyes with tears that I might see,
The broken heart I had was good for me;
He tore it all apart and looked inside,
He found it full of fear and foolish pride.
He swept away the things that made me blind
And then I saw the clouds were silver lined;
And now I understand 'twas best for me
He washed my eyes with tears that I might see.
He washed my eyes with tears that I might see
The glory of Himself revealed to me;
I did not know that He had wounded hands
I saw the blood He spilt upon the sands.
I saw the marks of shame and wept and cried;
He was my substitute for me He died;
And now I'm glad He came so tenderly;
And washed my eyes with tears that I might see.
The broken heart I had was good for me;
He tore it all apart and looked inside,
He found it full of fear and foolish pride.
He swept away the things that made me blind
And then I saw the clouds were silver lined;
And now I understand 'twas best for me
He washed my eyes with tears that I might see.
He washed my eyes with tears that I might see
The glory of Himself revealed to me;
I did not know that He had wounded hands
I saw the blood He spilt upon the sands.
I saw the marks of shame and wept and cried;
He was my substitute for me He died;
And now I'm glad He came so tenderly;
And washed my eyes with tears that I might see.
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